Vital Questions - II

 

Where do I want to go

When you ask most of the people about what they want, you may hear 'I don't want' to be sad, to be unhealthy, to be in debt, that relationship, this job,.... and surprisingly they don't clearly explain what they really want. You may say that's just a slip of tongue or the way people used to explain their complains, but I believe there is something more behind these type of resolutions. The fear of having a goal.  If you don't have any clear goal to make or any place to go, you can stay peacefully  at the current (seeming) comfort zone.

There are numerous goal setting theories  which will guide you to different strategies  and action plans for your goals. No matter which one you pick, I suggest to follow the simple rule of making  your goals SMART.

 

For instance  if I want to start a routine exercise, I may setup a goal like:

"Doing Pilates for 20 minutes, three times per week for 6 weeks."

The above goal clearly explains  the type of the exercise I do. I can measure my achievement at  the end of week six (e.g. If I miss three sessions, I would reach only %83.33 of my set goal). According to my daily duties and physical conditions it's achievable and realistic for me, and I have a six weeks time line for that.

Some example of pitfalls:

"Daily workout for three weeks"  --> Not specific nor measureable

"Doing one hour palates everyday with my brother"  --> Not realistic nor time based

"Doing Pilates for 20 minutes, three times per week for one year." --> not achievable

 

The SMART goal could also be stepping out of the comfort zone to make an internal change.  For example If I realize that I have an  introspective shy personality at my workplace which is keeping be away from my professional growth  and I choose to make change at my behavior, I may set the first steps goals such as: "Initiating a conversation with a new person at workplace every week for two months". And it's the same process for changing our unproductive thoughts and emotions.

By setting  new goals and experiencing the new things , we extend  our comfort zones from known places to unknowns. The continues process of such stretch could result the long term changes in our life.

It's now proven that even personality traits are not set in stone and they could be changed overtime. In fact there are two sources of personality changes: outside forces (e.g. diseases, great job achievements/loss, divorce/remarriage, drugs...) and willpower  to change. Of course the second one gives us the choice and control.

So you can make choice between the personality you want to be and the personality which may happen to be.

And a good news is: 'Even small personality shifts could highly change your life satisfaction and well-being'  (Social indicators researches)